Dear Elena,
I write these words at 10 PM. I should be asleep, but I also want tomorrow to feel like the first few days of March. I want to get going with my day, knowing I’ve captured a moment of our lives through this challenge. The past few days were too busy for me to write in the morning, so I’m hoping to catch up with a late-night scheduled posting.
As I drove us home from the doctor’s office earlier today, I played my classroom playlist to encourage you to sleep for a few minutes. After the second song, your eyes, looking out the window, began to shut off. Your head slightly tilted to the side, and I heard your breathing slow down.
You look so much like me when you sleep.
People might tell you how much I protected your sleep when you were little, but I hope that when they do, you think she still does.
I prepared myself as much as possible for your newborn days, and the topic I studied the most was sleep (partly because I was terrified of never sleeping through the night again). I learned much about sleep cycles and strategies to help you differentiate day from night. I dove into the deep end and promised to create an environment where sleep health was a top priority.
There were many bumps along the way, not just the expected learning curve that babies are constantly on with their sleep progression but how honoring your sleep seemed to affect others. I hope that by the time you read this letter, I’m not telling people, “There, she’s awake all day now. Happy?”
Some people don’t understand why I keep you home instead of taking you to an adult gathering at 9 PM or why I schedule our outings based on your awake windows. To give you some context, you just turned 1, so yeah, I find the “Why didn’t you bring her?” question pretty annoying. Do they think I’ll keep you on a 2-nap schedule until you turn 18?
Who knows? You might be like your dad and grandfather, who need their quick recharging naps at 40 and 66 years old, respectively.
The thing is, I don’t go around telling people, “Your baby should be sleeping!” I only ask that others respect my decision to respect your sleep. Sure, I could be nicer about it.
Maybe these words are the way to get that frustration out of my system so I can continue to give others some grace as they show interest in the choices I make for you.
Start with a Story 
Thank you, Melanie!
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I loved that last part, “here with you.”
Thank you!
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Thank you so much for that!
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I was fierce about protecting my children’s sleep & I don’t regret it at all. That said, I’m writing this on my phone at 10:30, staring down a recalcitrant teenager who thinks I’m a monster for forcing him to go to bed. He’s supposed to be upstairs *right now*. Grr
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I jokingly tell new mothers they’ll never sleep again after having a baby. It’s hard! Shouldn’t we all be allowed to let our bodies dictate our sleep patterns and habits? That’s my dream, so I say sleep away and write when it’s convenient.
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As a grandmother, I appreciate and respect the sleep schedule- for everyone, me included!
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The different opinions will never go away. We’ve never met, but I can tell from these letters that you are thoughtful about all you do for Elena! And, I too had a nap schedule for my kids.
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Kudos to you! Looking back I realize that maintaining a rigid schedule when our children were little was one of the best things I did for ALL of us. My older sisters schooled me in the importance of creating a good sleep schedule when I had Baby #1. As he grew older, I only went out in the morning so that his afternoon nap was not interrupted. Bedtime was routine and hubby and I always had a swath of time in the evening. This continued with our subsequent four children and made for a happy baby and happy parents. I could rant about this issue, too. I cringe when I see kids forced to follow their parents’ schedule, rather than parents prioritizing their baby’s need for rest. You do you and don’t worry about those comments!
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It’s funny how people think they can just say ANYTHING — to parents, to newly divorced spouses… Vent it out and try to ignore the “haters” like Taylor would do! You’re an amazing mama and I admire and learn from all that you do with Elena, including how you’ve protected her sleep!!
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YES! My kids are 3 and 5 and I am just recently out of the stage you are describing where SLEEP IS KING! Every decision I made was all about how to get the sleep baby needs, really so I could get sleep too. You captured how others make us feel, and how comments can be daggers. Great slice, we are here with you!
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For both you and Jess– mine are in their twenties and people still share their opinions. I would have written a similar post/letter to the oldest, while the youngest of four would get an apology since she had to adjust her sleep schedule to accommodate the rest of the family. As adults, the youngest is a better sleeper, a thought I haven’t had until now. Motherhood is about doing what YOU feel is best for your children, and you’re doing a beautiful job as I read your reflections and insights!
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Everyone shares their opinions when you have a baby…and a toddler…and a ten year old. I’ll get back to you when mine our teens. You know your kids best. Keep doing what’s best for you both!
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