It’s one of those days.
Everything hurts.
I’m not making any effort toward seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m looking away from the blessings, like someone walking down the hallway, not knowing whether to say good afternoon.
Barely any sleep was had last night.
Everything hurts.
I knew I’d have a long day ahead, with a 7PM event.
It’s been one of those days.
When I got ready to leave home this morning, I decided to add the orange sticker because I wanted to slice. I thought, “I’ll read a few slices when I get to school, and that will inspire me.”
I read two, I smiled, I commented.
Then I read one about this couple who have a tradition of visiting national parks, and my mind reached a negativity high.
Will my body ever feel normal again?
Of course it will; perhaps I won’t make it a goal to hike a bunch of national parks, but I will get back to who I was before pregnancy. I’ve lived through it already. It will be fine.
But today, in that moment, I chose to avoid perspectives.
I sank into a “poor me… this is so hard” and sat there for a bit.
Then, I found the photo of my slicing calendar and noticed the Wednesday sticker.
I missed the second Tuesday of October, but on Wednesday I decided to slice anyway and added the sticker then.
Looking at the whole month, I see the deviation and the story of that one week. One week that doesn’t define the whole month.
Looking at the whole month gives me perspective.
So yes, today is one of those days. I don’t need to pretend it isn’t, or find ways to cheer myself up.
Today I can feel this way. It’s just one small day in a wonderful season of my life.
Some days are like that, right?. As I’ve read elsewhere, “It’s okay to visit “there”, but you can’t stay there.” That idea helped me so much when I was upset at something, and having a hard time. I would tell myself, “I can visit being upset over x, y & z, but I can’t live there. It’s okay to feel however I feel, as long as I put it into perspective.” Your calendar dots were a neat way to help yourself see that this phase will pass. The year I divorced I spent months falling in & out of very negative feelings. I wish I’d had a calendar-type thing to remind myself that I would come out the other side….eventually. I hope you are able to find peace today.
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Ana, your Slicing calendar is pure inspiration – not only for you, but for me, too. I love that idea – that yes, yes, we need to melt down and feel all the feels but we can absolutely find our way back. And that simple orange sticker – on a Wednesday – helped you turn the corner. And as someone who misses their fair share of Slices, I think I need some Wednesday writing days, too. May this one day have some sunshine in it for you, Ana.
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