One, Two, or Thirty-One

I feel the tension in my hands fade as the music enters my body. My fingers let go of each other, I adjust my back, and shift on the hard wooden surface. Make sure the phone is vibrating, close enough in case they message from the kid’s ministry room. I am pretty sure Elena is having a blast at the playground, even though she is surrounded by joyful strangers her own age.

My “church hunting” has taken a long time; we knew we wanted to find the right place to belong, but it’s been a journey of inconsistencies, internal debates, and emotional delays. So has my religious relaunch.

On Sunday, we went to this new church and felt a string of calm tug at me. It was familiar, clear, and direct. Part of it was the pastor’s strong teaching style. I caught myself dissecting his method and whispering to Tim, “This is good.”

Now, if you are a teacher, read the rest of this with teaching eyes:

He told us we’d be studying scripture, signaled the pages we would focus on, and pointed to the Bibles on the back of the pew, in case we didn’t have our own. He reminded people they should have highlighters and be ready to annotate, underline, and pinoint parts of the text.

I was unprepared, yet surprisingly ready.

He began, “We are going deep in this, but I will guide you through it. Theology is complex, but not unachievable.”

I liked that. The notion that something complex can still be experienced by newbies like myself. I opened my notesapp and typed: The same is true for writing. One doesn’t have to agree to be a writer, but can experience writing once or twice.

We can try something without becoming it.

My attention went back to the pastor. He used a free-diving analogy to paint a clearer picture, “Divers don’t just go all in—they do 5 feet at a time, learning the techniques to adjust their breathing and relax their bodies. They stay at that depth for a while before going 5 feet deeper.”

Well, of course! I thought. Followed by: Have I been encouraging others to write all the way down? Perhaps they, too, can approach this challenge “5 feet at a time,” Try a Tuesday and see how it feels, stay with that sensation of writing and sharing before trying another Tuesday.

“It is also dangerous to try free-diving by yourself; you need others,” the pastor continued. It felt like he was listing reminders for me as I prepare to guide others in this writing challenge that starts in a couple of weeks. I took more notes.

I juggled the Bible on my lap, the phone where I kept taking notes, and my thoughts dancing between the true message in the passage we read and how this perspective can lift the weight of commitment. It doesn’t have to be all in from the start, right?

We can commit to doing something, 5 feet at a time. We can take time to experience that depth, whether strange, uncomfortable, or exciting. We can. Together.

By inviting so many people to slice with me in March, I feel a load of responsibility. I want them to have a positive experience, but how much can I really control that outcome? As a free driver, I still have a long way to go.

All I can do is wait for them on the boat, making suggestions when asked, noticing and celebrating their progress, and reminding them that by showing up for one, two, or thirty-one days, they are already winning.