Instead

Slice of Life '25 1 Minute

An evening to avoid.

Avoid the anxiety of not knowing what will happen. So much is at stake, so much can suddenly change, and there’s not much anyone can do about it.

An evening to ignore.

Ignore the creeping what-if scenarios that line up like a kid by the ice cream truck. There’s a board in my head where dry-erase messages go on and off: “I get to don’t know when I’ll see him again.”

An evening to deviate.

Deviate from news feeds, rumors, and stressful messages. So many other things should taste like reality—the goldfish, the cream cheese on saltines, anything—not this.

An evening to declare that I have to let it be and just pray for the best. The rational Ana knows to do that, but instead…

I rewatch Grey’s Anatomy.

I scratch my hands nonstop.

I write these lines.

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Published by Ana Valentina Patton

I aim to be a learner, not a knower. If I forget, please remind me.

Published

7 thoughts on “Instead”

  1. I can feel the tug o war in your mind. Best advice that is often hard to follow- An evening to declare that I have to let it be and just pray for the best. 

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  2. I do, too! Haha
    That “One Glass of Red” has always carried the irony of “Never Just One Glass”

    I appreciate these words, Kim. They’re the warm blanket one needs when feeling down ❤

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  3. Oh those “what if” scenarios…banish them and focus on the trivial tastes that reality brings. A new day will come, hope, too.

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  4. Haunting, but beautiful. I want to hug you and open my heart and encourage you to talk all about it until your hands stop doing that thing anxiety causes. Sending so much empathy, love, open ear/heart. You know I’m going through it, so if you want to share, I’m here. We can cry together. More than just one glass of red perhaps? Ahhh I use humor to cope sometimes

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  5. Ana, I’m so sorry you are going through this stressful time, it’s so hard to sit with that kind of uncertainty.

    At the same time, the craft is so incredible. The repetition builds such a strong rhythm, and the imagery makes the emotions so vivid. That line of the dry-erase messages really stuck with me.
    I am hoping for the best for you❤️ Love you

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  6. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I can feel that tug between the anxiety and letting go. I hope that things go as well as possible and that in the meantime you can know some peace.

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  7. I like the format of your post and the repetition of “an evening to…” Even with out knowing the why of your avoiding, I can so relate. I love the line “Ignore the creeping what-if scenarios that line up like a kid by the ice cream truck.” It is such a perfect description. I hope everything works out for you.

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