There’s More

It’s early, Elena.

This is a phrase I whisper to myself most mornings when you announce your day has begun before the sun rises—A morning energy shot: Your bouncy curls and eagerness for a new day.

We sit in the car playing a new album I discovered on Spotify. We can sit here for a bit because we are too early to head to school.

So here, a short-phone-typed letter for both of us.

There will be times in your life, more than you would expect, when you’ll find reasons to feel less competent, less knowledgeable, less valuable.

You’ll fly through hallways with a sense of purpose and a smile on your face brought up by all the things you’re doing for others—service that makes you feel like your life was someone’s master plan. Then, in an instant, you’ll have a conversation or see something someone else is doing online and all that confidence will try to abandon you.

You’ll hold on tight but the overwhelming feeling of “they know more than me” will be too hard to fight.

Know this, Mamashanta, it’s okay when that happens. I don’t want to tell you it’s avoidable or even necessary to embrace a “I am good enough” attitude in that moment. When it happens, just remember these words: it’s fine. You can sit in the “ugh” for a bit before taking action.

Today is my “ugh” day. I will do my thing, carry on, and keep “ugh” company for a few hours. Then, I’ll get up and explore what out there has for me.

This feeling is fed by many sources: insecurity, imposter syndrome, but also some truth. I need to remind myself that this bubble I’m so happy living in, is just a speck in the big universe of my career.

There’s more.