Know Better

Elena,

I write these lines in a rush, with a headache, and sun-burned knees. But I made a commitment to us, and I need to get this off my chest so I can get back to enjoying this special weekend.

I am good at some things, and not so good at others. In recent years, I’ve become better at identifying what matters and looking away from what doesn’t, even when I leave the “outside messages” speaker on all the time.

When I decided to take a break from Instagram, I did it to gift that time to writing and being with my thoughts for a bit. Most of all, I wanted to shut off the many outside messages that blur what I know to be true.

I make choices that are different from those around me, and that has been a struggle my whole life. I am getting better at setting boundaries and not feeling the need to explain myself, but it’s hard.

In 2022 I tried intermittent fasting and after a few successful months, I noticed great results. But discipline was an issue, and on weekends, when I was up early and had to wait until 10 am to eat, I caved. Tonight, I feel like I caved to the outside messages, and I find myself in a situation others put me in, and I let them.

It could be also that I’m overwhelmed and when I’m like this, my perspective is dysregulated (your Dad knows this well). I’ll read this post in a few days and know whether I was right to feel like this or not.

Whichever it is, I want this momentary feeling to remind me of something: I feel better when I know me and look away from what’s not me.