Did I Go?

Slice of Life '24 1 Minute

When you read this letter, we’ll both know the answer. And if you’re old enough, I’ll want to know what you would have done.

In January, I received a DM on Instagram that blew me away. It read, “Hi Ana, See attached– I think this retreat might interest you.” The sender? Ralph Freakin Fletcher! Yes! The guy who wrote Marshfield Dreams, Fig Pudding, and Flying Solo. I couldn’t believe what that meant, an opportunity to meet and write with him.

I jumped out of bed and told your dad. Like everything that excites me, he got on board and encouraged me to say yes. I responded to Ralph’s message, and after a few interactions, I was on. The deposit was made, and the draft plans were scheduled on the family calendar.

Jump forward two months, Thursday night after you’ve gone to bed. I sit down next to Dad to look at plane tickets and accommodations. Tim asks, “Where in Maine is this?” With my answer, we start playing around with town names and flight dates to see what’s possible, but the only options for you and him to come with me seem very tricky and expensive.

Dad asks if I’d be willing to go without you. The thought had been lurking in my mind like a ghost in the shadows of proper motherhood. Who leaves their toddler for a whole week for a writing retreat? My judgmental self comes into action with loud messages on bright protest signs. I tell your dad to put a pin on it for now.

I have to make this decision soon. I have to weigh the opportunity vs. sorrow of spending a whole week without you when we’ve only been separated by hours. Most of all, I have to make this decision without the pressure of what others would do.

Future Elena, did I go?

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Published by Ana Valentina Patton

I aim to be a learner, not a knower. If I forget, please remind me.

Published

14 thoughts on “Did I Go?”

  2. Amanda, you are always so insightful. Even two of my coworkers who read you comment said, “Amanda is so right!” You just put into words the feeling I’ve had about wanting to go. I think I’ll be a better mom for it because she will see me taking my interests seriously and pushing myself to get better at this writing thing! Thank you so much!
    Also, I booked tickets 🙂

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  4. Such a tough choice. I can tell you the first time I left my (still nursing) toddler – and it wasn’t for something good (my mother was injured & in the hospital – but it’s ok: she completely recovered). I wish it had been for something this exciting. Here’s what I can tell you based on what I realized from my whirlwind trip: your child will miss you, but that’s ok; your partner will get the chance to bond with your daughter differently than he has previously; it will be hard to be away; you’re going to be away from her at some point, the question is simply “when?”. Personally, I hope you go. Motherhood demands much of us, and maintaining our sense of who we are outside of motherhood is both hard and important. That said, if you don’t go, that will be the right decision, too. (Sorry, I realize now that you did not ask for advice. SIGH.)

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  8. A hard decision for sure. I’ve always wanted to hear Ralph Fletcher speak in person, but a week to write with him? But the pull of our littles is strong too. Good luck, either way will be a good decision.

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  9. Elena, child of you and Tim, (the Tim you married who asks, “Will you be willing to go without her?), is saying, “Go, mama, go!” ‘cuz that’s what children who are well-loved do: they support their parents. It’s part of the gig. (Of course if you decide to stay home, she’ll understand🥰)

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  11. Wow, that’s amazing! Ralph has also inspired me for so many years. What a privilege to have him visit your school.

    I will probably cry a lot, too! It feels to me like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity because we won’t stay in the US for long. Something pulls me, and I think it’s not just the retreat itself.

    I appreciate your words, so much!♥️

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  12. OK, first of all, how cool is it that THE Ralph Fletcher invited you to a writing retreat?!? Star struck! Secondly, I hope you have the wisdom to know what the right decision is for you to take. Good luck!

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  13. Oh, I am so curious. I remember when my middle daughter was 5 months and I was attending a conference in Lake Placid. I cried the whole way there, I just couldn’t stop. Fortunately it was in driving distance, and my husband met me up there with the girls to stay a few more days. I saw Ralph Fletcher many times as a young teacher. He was my inspiration. He even visited our school to talk to students. You will make the right decision.

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  14. A decision only you will be able to make. But one that doesn’t have a right or wrong — whichever you make, that’ll be the right one ❤️

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