The first month after my baby was born is a blur. One can be mostly ready to keep a tiny human alive, but becoming their mom is a whole different realization.
One of those nights, as I prayed she’d go back to sleep so I could also get some rest, I whispered these words: the time will come when she no longer needs me like this. I held her a bit tighter and imagined that moment like a tissue in a box. You always reach to pull a new one, expecting to still have plenty until there’s no more.
Once she was back asleep, and I was able to compose myself after such an emotional moment, I pulled out my phone and wrote her a poem. After writing those lines with such ease, I realized I never write poems anymore.
That night, I wrote like it was 2005, and I had no care in the world about my writing online. I saved the poem and went back to bed. There, with my head buried in the pillow, I thought, “I don’t want Elena to doubt herself like this.”
So, I decided to start measuring my big decisions through that mom lens. I began asking myself, “What would I want her to do?” And that new view on life has pushed me to face my own desires. Set new boundaries, say “no” without shame, and focus again on my writing.
This challenge comes at a perfect time, the month of Elena’s first birthday. Here’s to a month of pushing myself for her.
Start with a Story 
It also feels like a lot of self-imposed pressure sometimes. Do I leave laundry in the dryer until tomorrow? 😂
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This is a wonderful slice! I love that you’re writing with your daughter in mind, and that you’re also measuring your choices by asking, “What would I want her to do?” That’s so powerful!
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Happy first birthday to your beautiful daughter! Motherhood comes with so many mixed emotions. As I continue my journey as a mom to now two children (the second almost one) I can definitely relate to your post. I do hope pursuing our passions helps our children to also do the same and to never have doubts!
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Oh wow, I love that as a refrain for being the person you want to be for your daughter. I have four daughters who are all in their twenties, and I could have used that line many times. You’re good to cherish the moments because they go by faster than a box of tissues.
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Such a beautiful piece of writing! And what a powerful way to make decisions for how you will care for yourself and engage with life–filtering your choice through the question of what you would want her to do.
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I’ve loved watching your transformation as a mom this year. I can’t wait to keep reading. Thanks for joining me on the SOL challenge this month (and encouraging me to do it again!).
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Wow! You sure know how to make an entrance. What a gorgeous post. It honestly made me a little teary and definitely made me think back to those tough, beautiful moments with newborns. I love the tissue box metaphor – perfect, really – and admire your strength in setting an example for your daughter. Your last line, “Here’s to a month of pushing myself for her” has a little invisible addendum: “…and for me.” Look at what you are doing for yourself! Impressive!
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Welcome to slicing, friend!! I love your post so much. My kids are four years old, two years old, and three months, so I know very well that first month blur. Happy almost BIRTH day to you, and to Elena.
Thank you for providing this insight. You’ve given me a journal prompt – every time I consider what someone else would do, I always think of an elder/ancestor, but it’s changing my mindset to consider the same from my children’s point of view!! It’s blowing my mind because I actually feel more responsibility to view it through the lens of those who are watching me now than those whose shoulders I stand on. I can’t wait to continue reading your posts!
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First, welcome to the SOL Community, Ana!
Second, I think that it’s wonderful to ask ourselves how we’d want our children to solve a similar problem, dilemma, or issue… and then do that ourselves. I haven’t tried that before, but I will. (My kiddos are 7 and 13.)
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What a beautiful post! My children are in their thirties now, but your post vividly brought back those early days with a new baby. You are already setting a strong, positive example for your daughter.
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