Words Matter

For a while now, I’ve been reflecting on the language I use with my students. Being incredibly intentional and specific with questions and statements, as well as using vocabulary that will elevate their minds and souls instead of confusing them.

The other day my friend Trillian, who also inspires me to watch what I say to little ones, shared this on Twitter:

I immediately thought: “yep, I can point out the times I’ve said ‘be careful’ and nothing more.” This tweet also made me think of phrases I have moved away from because of the lack of positive impact. Phrases/questions such as “you are perfect,” “you a beautiful,” “be a good boy/girl,” “why would you do such thing?”, “stop crying.”

Here’s what I’ve learned: when comments to children are vague, the message is lost, and what we expect to convey doesn’t get there. Instead, children need specific messages that can help them make connections between the words being said and their actions or feelings. I often also think of the purpose behind what is said to children. What do I want them to think or feel when I say, “you’re beautiful?”? do I want them to be happy with their appearance? Or do I want them to know I value who they are? In that case, wouldn’t it be better to say “you are kind/smart/curious/helpful/creative”?

I have learned that, as children learn about language, adults must mean every word they say. Children have yet to learn about figurative language or the many meanings behind words such as “cute” or “lovely.” Vague words often lead to understandings that are simply literal to them. Saying to a child that they are perfect sends the message that they can do no wrong, and everything they will try in life will come easy. Being perfect is the last thing a child should aim for; it cancels the risk-taking behaviors, perseverance, attitude towards challenges, and willingness to set goals. Why would you try to get better at something, why would you learn anything new? You’re already perfect (a quick Google search showed that the word perfect means absolute, complete.)

I understand that adults, especially parents, express their love and devotion to their children through the words they tell them. What I think could improve, though, is the vocabulary used to convey that message. Specific language will help children not only make connections between words and their behavior but also increase their emotional literacy. Knowing precisely what they are doing well or not will help them see what behaviors are acceptable and which aren’t.

This idea of using specific language is making a significant impact on the way adults relate to each other at their workplace. Detailed feedback is incredibly powerful to get people to reflect on their thinking and behavior, and for children, this is even more essential. Saying “keep your hands to yourself” is clear and effective, saying “be good” is vague. Saying “throwing the books on the floor is not acceptable” is specific, saying, “why would you throw the books?” is misleading.

Words matter. I care about the things others say to me and the way they say them. And for that reason, I do my best to educate children to be those adults in the future.